hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia

hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia

usingtimewisely:

the kid who volunteers to read and can’t pronounce 90% of the words.

image

(via nudeforfood)

pandaaamonium14:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

pandaaamonium14:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

(via jesus-goes-boo)

(via condom)

infamymonster:

fuckyeahfemaleyoutubers:

Disney’s Queen Elsa Frozen - Inspired Makeup Tutorial & Disney’s Princess Anna Frozen - Inspired Makeup Tutorial by Ellend Muzzakky

ARE WE NOT GOING TO DISCUSS HOW SHE  FOLDED HER HIJABS TO LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF THE CHARACTER, THAT IS SUCH A LOVELY AND GREAT IDEA. OHMYGOD
infamymonster:

fuckyeahfemaleyoutubers:

Disney’s Queen Elsa Frozen - Inspired Makeup Tutorial & Disney’s Princess Anna Frozen - Inspired Makeup Tutorial by Ellend Muzzakky

ARE WE NOT GOING TO DISCUSS HOW SHE  FOLDED HER HIJABS TO LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF THE CHARACTER, THAT IS SUCH A LOVELY AND GREAT IDEA. OHMYGOD

infamymonster:

fuckyeahfemaleyoutubers:

Disney’s Queen Elsa Frozen - Inspired Makeup Tutorial & Disney’s Princess Anna Frozen - Inspired Makeup Tutorial by Ellend Muzzakky

ARE WE NOT GOING TO DISCUSS HOW SHE  FOLDED HER HIJABS TO LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF THE CHARACTER, THAT IS SUCH A LOVELY AND GREAT IDEA. OHMYGOD

(via dingdongyouarewrong)

queen-of-fallen-angels:

my-flourish-and-blotts:

teacupsandcyanide:

I remember all the Doctor Who fanfics I used to read where Rose often got badly stereotyped as a damsel in distress whom the Doctor had to swoop in and save and smooch but the way I remember Doctor Who 90% of their relationship was the Doctor just setting Rose loose on people who had done something to offend them and sitting back giggling in the corner as she shouted

image

image

image

setting Rose loose

Accuracy: 100%

(via jesus-goes-boo)

oprahsmom:

reblog if you want a thigh gap like this 

oprahsmom:

reblog if you want a thigh gap like this 

(via telapathetic)

ATTENTION

madvlogz:

savanaugh:

souleaterunlimited:

savanaugh:

I AM ON A MISSION. I AM GOING TO FOLLOW EVERY BLOG ON THIS SITE. ALL OF THEM. HELP ME ACHIEVE THIS GOAL, INTERNET STRANGERS, BY REBLOGGING THIS POST AND I WILL FOLLOW ALL WHO REBLOG IT. E V E R Y O N E.

I want to call bullshit but I can’t take that chance 

good.

holy shit you’re really doing it

(via jesus-goes-boo)

doodlemancy:

I get pumped around the end of August. WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS RESTRAINT
doodlemancy:

I get pumped around the end of August. WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS RESTRAINT

doodlemancy:

I get pumped around the end of August. WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS RESTRAINT

(via amidthefeels)

superwhohannilockpotter:

I will never not reblog this gif set whenever it comes across my dash.
superwhohannilockpotter:

I will never not reblog this gif set whenever it comes across my dash.
superwhohannilockpotter:

I will never not reblog this gif set whenever it comes across my dash.
superwhohannilockpotter:

I will never not reblog this gif set whenever it comes across my dash.
superwhohannilockpotter:

I will never not reblog this gif set whenever it comes across my dash.
superwhohannilockpotter:

I will never not reblog this gif set whenever it comes across my dash.
superwhohannilockpotter:

I will never not reblog this gif set whenever it comes across my dash.
superwhohannilockpotter:

I will never not reblog this gif set whenever it comes across my dash.

superwhohannilockpotter:

I will never not reblog this gif set whenever it comes across my dash.

(via whatsacanada)

australiansanta:

nervously talkin to someone really attractive like

image

(via lindsaylohoean)

unskinny:

lo-renishii:

lo-renishii:

HEY YO! ATTENTION ALL MY SHORT-SHORTS LOVING, THICK-THIGHED, CURVY KIN WHO HATE CHUB RUB
so you see that picture up there? its the best LUSH product ever, and I got that as a gift from a lovely friend for Hanukkah and I usually use it on my clean sheets to make my bed feel silky and smell like jasmine, its great okay
ANYWAY today I had the brilliant idea to dust some of it between my thighs where they touch and YESSSSS GAAAAAAWWWWWWWD my thighs have been silky literally all day, and have not even began to chub rub
thats right: no chub rub

so whats its deal? well its some lovely coco butter-jasmine scented dusting powder that absorbs into your skin and leaves you all nice and silky and basically even though today was like 88 and humid my thighs did not stick to one another, it was heaven
» here is the link to where you can buy it «
so everyone who hates that GOD AWFUL rash you get from when your thighs chafe, GO BUY IT, REALLY. ITS A MIRACLE. AND I SMELL SO NICE.
and for those of you who don’t think this is completely amazing, forget you, my thighs are silky and smell like jasmine


I’m so pleased this is going around because its getting fucking hot out and this is important

I get asked about chub rub remedies a lot, so hopefully this is helpful for some of you :)

unskinny:

lo-renishii:

lo-renishii:

HEY YO! ATTENTION ALL MY SHORT-SHORTS LOVING, THICK-THIGHED, CURVY KIN WHO HATE CHUB RUB

so you see that picture up there? its the best LUSH product ever, and I got that as a gift from a lovely friend for Hanukkah and I usually use it on my clean sheets to make my bed feel silky and smell like jasmine, its great okay

ANYWAY today I had the brilliant idea to dust some of it between my thighs where they touch and YESSSSS GAAAAAAWWWWWWWD my thighs have been silky literally all day, and have not even began to chub rub

thats right: no chub rub

so whats its deal? well its some lovely coco butter-jasmine scented dusting powder that absorbs into your skin and leaves you all nice and silky and basically even though today was like 88 and humid my thighs did not stick to one another, it was heaven

» here is the link to where you can buy it «

so everyone who hates that GOD AWFUL rash you get from when your thighs chafe, GO BUY IT, REALLY. ITS A MIRACLE. AND I SMELL SO NICE.

and for those of you who don’t think this is completely amazing, forget you, my thighs are silky and smell like jasmine

I’m so pleased this is going around because its getting fucking hot out and this is important

I get asked about chub rub remedies a lot, so hopefully this is helpful for some of you :)

(via theroguefeminist)

unclefather:

my ex sent me pics of another girl sucking his weiner one time because he thought it would make me mad and i wrote back “did your mom do something different with her hair?” 

(via bullied)

condom:

damn

condom:

damn

(via whatsacanada)

danytheme:

We all like to talk about that “Running like Naruto" phase that all dorky weaboo kids go trough, but what we don not talk enough about is the later “Sitting and eating like L" phase that all dorky weaboo teenagers go trough

(via dingdongyouarewrong)